It's really slow at work when students leave. So much so I usually partake of a morning movie feature. I make sure it doesn't interfere with work. This summer has been the Zombie Summer. I've bought a bunch of zombie movies used and watched them. Among the film festival features are:
- 28 Days
- 28 Weeks Later
- Dawn of the Dead
- Day of the Dead
- Zombie Diaries
- Trailer Park of Terror
- Shawn of the Dead
- I am Legend
I've learned the following.
1. There will be nudity
No zombie movie can exist without nudity.
2. 60% of the cast will die
More than likely, no one that's in the first few scenes will live. The more offensive the character, the more likely they will die. The dumber the character, the more likely they will die.
3. People who keep secrets, die.
If you try to hide something, you die.
4. To kill a zombie you have to shoot it in the head, cut off it's head or generally bash it's brain in
Despite the fact that this is common knowledge in the entire world, it must be re-iterated over and over and at least one person must die in a zombie movie before they realize you have to go for the head shot.
5. Zombie infections are transmitted like an STD.
The zombie virus - a.k.a. The Rage Virus, Captain Trips, etc - is transmitted through bodily fluids. Kissing, sex, bites, getting infected pigeon poo in your eye will turn you into a zombie. Even if you kill them and get blood all over you, it will only get you infected if it enters your blood stream. Don't know how THAT'S possible. Therefore, practice safe zombie hunting and condomize yourself.
6. No one ever has enough bullets.
Good lord, if you are going to carry a weapon, bring enough bullets. A good sword or spear is much more useful than a gun. A blade is only good for close quarters, but much more effective than a gun it seems.
7. Despite the government/military's best effort to quarantine, zombies will escape.
8. White people always want to split up.
Stupid honkeys. Stay together and keep your backs together.
9. Children not infected in the first 15 minutes live.
No one kills a kid in a movie unless it's real drama.
10. Commit Suicide if You Are Infected
It's much easier to not fight at all and commit suicide especially if you are infected. It also never fails that if you are infected, the hottest leading lady will be in love with you.
2 comments:
Hi I'm new here :D And I too am a big fan of zombie movies. I once wrote a paper about zombie movies at uni. My lecturer was a little stumped, but reluctantly passed me because I covered off the question. I like to think I helped expand his views on the importance of zombies in political campaigning.
I also have a question, about point number 5. People have sex with zombies? really? because that seems like a bad idea. I mean, if I see a guy, eating fistfuls of other peoples brains and dragging his lifeless, legless, decomposing body through the streets... Well lets just say the first thought that comes to mind ISN'T going to be 'Phowar. I'd do that.'
Zombie movies make me go AAAAAHHHH!!!!
This was really funny to read!! :)
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